Listening, Understanding, and Feeling: The Cornerstones of Children's Emotional and Spiritual Well-being

In our fast-paced world, emotional health often takes a backseat, especially for children. As parents and caregivers, we strive to teach our kids the skills they need to thrive. However, one of the most vital lessons is often overlooked: understanding and feeling their emotions. Many of us grew up learning to bury our feelings, but this approach can have long-term negative effects on our mental and emotional well-being. Instead, we should focus on listening to our children, understanding their emotional experiences, and encouraging them to express their feelings. This blog post will enlighten you on why these practices are crucial and how we can implement them in our parenting, incorporating both practical and spiritual perspectives.

The Power of Listening

Listening is not just a passive act, but a powerful tool in effective parenting. When we truly listen to our children, we instill a sense of security and trust in them. Active listening, which involves giving our full attention, acknowledging their words, and responding thoughtfully, is a skill that can be honed. It’s more than just hearing their words; it’s about understanding their emotions and perspectives, and it can make a significant difference in our children's emotional well-being.

Tips for Practicing Active Listening:

- Make Eye Contact: Show your child that you are fully present.

- Be Patient: Allow them to express themselves without interruption and judgement.

- Reflect Back: Repeat or paraphrase what they’ve said to show understanding.

- Validate Feelings: Acknowledge their emotions, even if you don’t fully agree with them.

For example, if your child comes to you upset about a conflict with a friend, take the time to sit down, look them in the eyes, and let them talk without interrupting. Reflect back their feelings: "It sounds like you're really hurt by what happened." This approach shows them that their emotions are valid and worth discussing.

 

Understanding Emotions

Understanding and validating our children's emotions is not just a parenting strategy, but a crucial aspect of their development. When we validate their feelings, we teach them that it's okay to have emotions and that these feelings are a natural part of life. This emotional validation is a powerful tool that helps children develop a healthy relationship with their emotions, reducing the likelihood of emotional suppression or outbursts later on. It's an enlightening perspective that every parent should be aware of.

Phrases That Validate Emotions:

- "I see that you're really upset about this."

- "It’s okay to feel sad sometimes."

- "I understand why you’re feeling this way."

Research has shown that children who feel their emotions are validated are more likely to develop healthy coping mechanisms and have better emotional regulation. According to studies discussed by the American Psychological Association, children who experience emotional validation are less likely to develop anxiety and depression later in life (American Psychological Association, 2018).[i],[ii], [iii]

From a spiritual perspective, validating emotions honours the child's inner world and their connection to their higher self. Emotions are seen as energy in motion, and allowing this energy to flow freely supports their spiritual growth and emotional balance.

Allowing Children to Feel Their Emotions

Children need to experience their emotions fully to learn how to manage them effectively. Suppressing emotions can lead to unresolved issues and mental health challenges. We help children build emotional resilience and coping skills by allowing them to feel their emotions.

 

Strategies to Help Children Process Emotions:

- Create a Safe Space: Ensure your child feels safe to express their emotions without judgment.

- Encourage Emotional Expression: Use creative outlets like drawing, storytelling, or play to help them express their feelings.

- Teach Emotional Regulation: Show them techniques like deep breathing or counting from 5 to 1 to manage intense emotions.

Practical Exercises for Emotional Expression:

- Emotion Journals: Encourage children to keep a journal where they can write or draw their feelings.

- Role-Playing: Act out scenarios with your child to help them understand and express their emotions.

- Mindfulness Activities: Practice mindfulness exercises together to help your child stay grounded in their emotions.

From an energetic standpoint, emotions are seen as vibrations that need to be acknowledged and released. Practicing mindfulness and other grounding techniques helps children stay connected to their own energy and maintain a sense of balance.

Modelling Healthy Emotional Expression

As parents, our behaviour sets the foundation for our children's emotional development. Modelling healthy emotional expression is vital. If we teach children to bury their emotions, they may grow up feeling disconnected and unable to cope with their feelings.

Practical Advice for Modeling Emotional Health:

- Express Your Emotions: Appropriately share your feelings with your children to show that emotions are okay.

- Demonstrate Coping Mechanisms: Let them see how you handle stress and disappointment constructively.

- Be Honest: If you make a mistake in handling your emotions, acknowledge it and discuss how you could have handled it better.

For example, if you’ve had a stressful day at work, instead of hiding your frustration, you might say, "I've had a tough day, and I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed. I’m going to go for a short walk to calm down." This shows your child that it’s okay to feel and teaches them a healthy way to cope with those feelings.

On a spiritual level, modelling healthy emotional expression aligns with teaching children to honour their true selves. It shows them that being authentic and transparent with their emotions is a strength, not a weakness. This authenticity fosters a deeper spiritual connection and emotional intelligence.

Prioritizing emotional health in our parenting approach is one of the greatest gifts we can give our children. By listening to them, understanding their emotions, and allowing them to express their feelings, we help them develop into emotionally healthy adults. As we model these behaviours, we improve our emotional well-being and create a nurturing environment where our children can thrive.

Let’s commit to embracing and understanding our children's emotions. By doing so, we pave the way for a future generation that is emotionally intelligent, resilient, and capable of handling life's challenges with grace and confidence. Start today by actively listening, validating, and modelling healthy emotional expression, and watch your children blossom into emotionally healthy individuals.

For those who want to delve deeper into this topic, consider reading "The Whole-Brain Child" by Daniel J. Siegeland Tina Payne Bryson[iv] or "Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child" by John Gottman[v]. These resources provide further insights and practical tips on fostering emotional health in children.

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[i] https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2018/06/helicopter-parenting

[ii] https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2019/12/students-manage-emotions

[iii] https://www.apa.org/topics/children/stress

[iv] Siegel, D. J., & Bryson, T. P. (2011). The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child's Developing Mind. Delacorte Press.

[v] Gottman, J. (1997). Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child. Simon & Schuster.